Sunday, 1 April 2012

Mid life crisis in my Twenties ????

So I was speaking to a guy today who pointed out something to me, that I always start things and never finish and I am literally all over the place, I want one thing today and another tomorrow (err excuse me ???? ) of course I went off on a rant to him, about I had simply not found my calling in life blah blah.
However now I have calmed down, sitting back and actually thinking about, it is definitely kind of true ..... I mean have two degrees in completely opposite disciplines, I have not held down permanent employment (well I just thought that those jobs are mediocre and not worthy of my time. * shrugs*). In the last month I have contemplated travelling to Canada, The Philippines, Mexico, Milan , Los Angeles, Dubai and Malaysia.  I have been trying to lose 10kg for the last three months, and my diet was supposed to start on the 19th January.... its now 1st April 2012.
So thinking about it, I clearly have a problem, with committing to things ( although I am in a committed relationship with my 18 Inch Brazilian).   I am the only one who feels like this ? am I having a mid twenties crisis... I mean I know what I want to do ( well kind of) just scared to go out there and get it.....
So why am I telling you all this ????? Well obviously I started this blog last year June and this is my fourth blog post..... again another sign of my non-committal attitude.
So now on 1st April 2012 I pledge to :
  1. Put up at least three blog posts per week ( I was going to say four but let’s take baby steps )
  2. I will start going jogging/gym every other day 
  3. I will make a decision on where I want to move to by the end of this month
  4. I have officially decided to follow my dreams (sounds cliché I know) I started last year, but kind of stalled ( due to fear of failure)  but I am going to actively work on it.
  5. Finally I am going to allow myself to be open to having relationships, dating, basically guys in general.... since my Ex I have literally closed all of that off and entered a I HATE ALL MEN phase, however it’s time to get out of it ( besides I will be on the shelf very soon, according to my mum once you hit 25 it’s all downhill from there ) 

 I think that’s it for now ... but I will update accordingly.        

    Thursday, 1 March 2012

    Sex on a Tap

    Okay I'm back, I haven't updated In ages, my blogging will still be pretty sporadic ( I seem to remember to blog when I'm suffering from insomnia, it's currently 2am and I have work in the morning) but I will try to be more consistent.

    Anyways, I ended a eight year relationship, my  Ex ( I usually call him the devils son, but I am in a good mood ), well he cheated on me several times during our relationship. I met him when I was 16, fell in love and thought that was it, I had met my soulmate and BOOOM I would get married and live happily ever after ....., little did I know he would deal with me before I would finally gain the courage to dump him. During the course of our relationhsip, he managed to cheat on me for two years with another girl I forgave him  (apparently he was just sleeping with her .. but for two years ??? some peoples marriages dont last that long). Then I randomly found out he already  had a kid ( well not randomly I was going through his email, saw some email about how he was refusing to contact his son), Then I found out he cheated again, we broke up for six months ( At that point I had convinced myself that cheating was just sex, no biggie, he could do that with anyone)... then the final straw last year I saw pictures on his laptop of him having sex with one of his work colleagues ( a job which I helped him get), that was the final straw.

    Since then  I have been trying to work on finding myself (*rolls eyes* not sure if I believe that but it sounds good).  So I'm newly single, and quite frankly I don't know what to do with myself coupled with the fact that I now officially despise men ( on an emotional level may I add, as I still need some .... once in a while)

    So I'm wondering what people do for their daily/weekly/monthly fix? Initially I was going back to my ex for a monthly dose, which was literally the stupidest idea ever (especially since I'm still in love with him), now I have smartened up, I can't do that anymore.

    Considering I have been out of the dating game for so long, I really don't know where to start; and the thing is  quite frankly I’m not interested in "dating", I just want a quick shag, and that’s it. But is it just me or does everyone in London seem to know each other, and I don't want to be known as the local slut, so how does one approach a guy? I mean I'm not whore, I just have needs.

    And then there is the whole issue of only having been with the same guy for so long, can I even sleep with someone else ? I feel like my P**** is now moulded to the shape of his c***, but I need too get that jerk out of my system.

    Jeez how do people cope with break-ups, no sex on a tap has got to be the worst part (just kidding).

    Just read this back ... I sound like a horny  bitch  ( well I do really need some)